The Pill for Men

‘Outrageous!’ That was the word used way back in ’85 in response to the expectation that men take a contraceptive that had a side-effect of reduced sex drive. Hello. Let me tell you about the contraceptive pill for women. Side-effects include headaches, nausea, weight gain, mood changes, yeast infections, loss of vision, high blood pressure, gall bladder disease, liver tumours, skin cancer, strokes, heart attacks, and death. Oh, and reduced sex drive. (Thing is, and get this – do not pass go until you do – taking the pill is, for many of us, preferable to getting pregnant.)

But, you know, that’s okay, that men refuse to be responsible for their reproductive capability. They wouldn’t remember to take the pill every day anyway. What with their busy life of going to work and coming home again. So we’d end up being responsible for reminding them – perhaps after we pick up the kids on our way home from work, and make dinner, and do the dishes, but before we start the laundry and see that the homework comes before the tv. Which sort of defeats the purpose.

‘Course if it were meat-flavoured and chewable, like, say the beef jerky treats my dog scarfs down…

And it would have to come in regular and extra-strength so men could boast about their virility (“I need the extra-strength to subdue my guys!”).

And it would have to be available without a prescription of course (“Don’t need to see no doctor to tell me what I can and can’t take!”). At all hardware stores. And beer st – hey, wait a minute! Why not put it in the beer!

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